The Machine of Unending Flower Production

The Machine of Unending Flower Producation

There was, of course, a time when I would have welcomed with open arms the ability to create, nurture and sustain all floral varieties. Florists were heroes to me, people to be worshiped and seek advice from. Nature was wonderful and life was simple.

But that was then. Those days of innocence have past and I am left with the intolerable skill of horticulture. It seems everything I touch thrives. These past few months have seen an influx of floral growth, I cannot approach something without it blooming and producing some form of colourful display of affection. Even the banana plant at work (not native to Cornwall) that I sit next to has sprouted a new sapling. Such ability has made me fear the future, does it stop? I fear the future in the same way I fear having to put my foot in a shoe I know is soaking wet. Or having to move past a rather large moth that has placed itself immorally on the door. I also fear the inevitable dick tv show in which retarded members of the public must create a bouquet/garden in which to impress a panel of dicks, which then moves on to having to impress a panel of even more retarded members of public who vote by pressing their fat Pringle greased fingers against their phones. The future may be full of blossom, but it aint pretty.

Or perhaps I have missed the signs? Perhaps the flowers adore me romantically? Their sudden colour is an attempt to seduce me, in the hope that I will pollinate them? Spreading their seed across the greenery of England? How could I have been so blind to their advances!!

Can I lose my green fingers? Does that happen? Or is it like the bike thing?

 

 

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4 responses to “The Machine of Unending Flower Production

  1. Haha I’m caught somewhere between surreal~Aaron and Mr. Greenfinger (not to be confused with your Goldfinger =P)..wonderful if you can truly grow anything with such ease as that would be a true gift of nature =). The whole dick tv thing is pretty amusing as I’ve simply not heard of anything quite like it =D!

    • You’d be amazed to see my office! I’m like the dr dolittle of plants. You must have inadvertently seen dick reality tv! Simon Cowell? Ever heard of that arsehole?

      • And yet still remains a total dick! haha
        With his weird flat head, that resembles a lesser Guile from Street Fighter, but black haired and more dick like! (you know Guile right? with Ryu, Ken, Zangief, M. Bison?) If I could punch anyone for 60 seconds as much as I could, it’d be Justin Bieber, but if I could punch a second person for 60 seconds as much as I could, it’d be Simon Cowell.

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