Faces thing


“Now or never ‘To be or not to be!'”—Oblomov  Aaron raised himself from his chair a little, but failing to find his slippers with his feet at once, sat down again.”

-Ivan Goncharov


Just kiss it!

Lizard Just do it

Please little lizard, give him a kiss,
That why you have lipstick, to make you a miss.

If you don’t do this thing that I ask,
This one tiny insignificant task,

I swear that you’ll get on my bad side,
And I’ll do it I swear, I’ll make you his bride.

Kiss him little lizard, do as I say,
You’re not getting away any other way.

So just do what you’re told,
And kiss Ronald McDonald.

My port, mine!


The ports on offer in the shop next door,
It’s Taylor’s Reserve, the one I adore.
As soon as it’s open I’m going down to that store
To fill up my basket with 10 bottles more.

Why’s it so cheap, I feel like I’m stealing,
It can’t be true, some dodgy dealing?
But after a bottle, won’t be guilt that I’m feeling
As I’ll be in town on my hands and knees squealing.

So come on Co-Op, you know it’s not fair,
Surely you’ve seen me, you must be aware.
Or maybe that’s why, I’m trapped in your snare
Take off this damn deal so I can stay in my lair.

It’s my day off and now half past two,
And I’m back once again shopping with you,
You sly little devil, I’m sure that you knew
I’m attached to Co-Op like I’m covered in glue.

So Co-Op take it away please,
Make a new deal on some Mexican cheese,
Or one of those meals you take home and freeze.
I’m begging you Co-Op, I’m down on my knees.

With you, falling in love, I am. Hmmm!


Oh Yoda, with your skin so green,
I’ve been in love with you, since I was a teen,
When I turned on TV and you enlightened my screen.
Say you love me, please don’t be mean.

You’re a little bit fat,
But I’m ok with that.

Your hairs are sparse and grey,
But with them each day I’ll play.

On each foot you’ve only three toes,
But, honestly Yoda, that’s the least of our woes.

You’re a little too into the force,
But I swear that’ll never be cause for divorce.

We’re two different creatures,
But I love all of your features.

Maybe they’ll all say that we’re just plain wrong,
That a love between us won’t last very long,
But I know the truth, we’ll be so strong,
And that, my little fat Yoda, is why I wrote this song.




Elephant Inspiration


Think I might have found something to grasp to in order to shake off my apathy, and it’s not god or politics or celebrities. Animals.

Got all moody after watching Blackfish, and watching Tilikum floating around on his lonesome after a bunch of smiling wet suited arseholes completely mindfucked him right in his blowhole. I’m not sure I fully understand the human interaction with animals, like having an ivory statue on a bookcase in the form of two naked African tribesman, why not have it in plastic? it’s the same colour? Oh I see, it’s not the same because plastic wasn’t forcibly removed from the skull of another animal. Savageness is key when decorating one’s lounge.

Or 30 aged English ‘men’ dressing up in red and black, riding horses, blowing horns and leading dogs to catch a 2 foot long bright red petrified thing, just because its species attacks chickens by nature. While a bunch of interbred retards follow around in 4x4s because it’s a good sport. Sure, sit by the chicken shed and shoot it if it does happen to try and kill something, but don’t be arseholes across the countryside, you great big dicks. Oh but it’s tradition, so we have to continue this mindless nonsense. Fingers crossed it’s soon tradition to shit in the mouth of huntsmen, because I’ve been storing up.

Case in point, that dentist dick and Cecil the lion

Anyway, I got side tracked. It’s me on an elephant.